Sunday, March 28, 2010

Researching yourself SILLY!

As I mentioned previously I think it's a great idea to gather, share and discuss as much information as you can collect on your choice. I think owning a book on the process of becoming pregnant right through to birth (and so on) is a very important resource, as well as your doctor, nurses and technicians at your clinic. However, I am finding that I have so much knowledge in this area now that I am feeling things that may not actually be present, such as I was told that my egg was going to be releasing from my left fallopian tube and immediately I felt it. Even though my common sense told me that it was gas or just in my head, my want for my egg to release on it's own was stronger than my reality.

So when it was insemination time, I was sure I felt pregnant within an hour. I started to read and reread and reread the section on "conception". I visualized the sperm catching my egg, my egg being fertilized and my egg attaching to the wall of my uterus. I read that you may have a metallic taste in your mouth, soon after I had a metallic taste in my mouth. I read that I may feel tired or have to use the washroom more, both of those symptoms surfaced. I started to dream about all of the things I was reading. As mentioned in an earlier post I also took a pregnancy test daily for the first 8 days after both days of insemination. I woke up on the 9th day and decided to stop driving myself crazy and just wait the recommended 14 days. I learned that everything in these paragraphs are a bit "SILLY" and if I find out that I will need to go through the insemination process again, I won't be as "SILLY". Excitement, nervousness, fear and impatience played a main part in my role as the "SILLY woman" who thought she felt pregnant the moment after conception.

I am not saying don't do what I did, but don't beat yourself up if you do. I think it may all be part of the process too, maybe the part people don't talk about. Being "SILLY" didn't hurt anyone, or cause any grief to my process, although it made me laugh now and then it also made me a bit stressful and momentarily sad. Again, I'm not sure if I would have felt these feelings if I wasn't going through he process and just not notice because I wouldn't be so focused.

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